Sometimes I have time and inclination to ponder deep thoughts in writing. This is not one of those times.
This is just to let you know that this blog:
http://www.childrenofthenineties.blogspot.com
will creep you the hell out if you were born between 1980 and 1995. I don't remember every single thing they post about, but I remember more than enough to shake my head in bemusement and shame.
Check it out.
Showing posts with label Whimsy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Whimsy. Show all posts
21.1.10
1.6.09
Overheard
"See, I know my own come-dine-with-me-theory a lot better than you do!"
A syllogism about this post:
Summer leads to open windows.
Open windows allow me to hear drunk people coming home.
Drunk people coming home are hilarious.
A syllogism about this post:
Summer leads to open windows.
Open windows allow me to hear drunk people coming home.
Drunk people coming home are hilarious.
21.5.09
A Treat for All of You
Because I can't read this without sharing. It wouldn't be right.
From a link on another blog, I found a blog that copies out one-star reviews of classics of Western culture - music, films, and novels. Not old, boring classics -- we can't all love Aristotle -- but modern, interesting, thought-provoking classics. But here you can learn that:
The Godfather "was so violent I couldn't believe it! On a scale of 1 to 10 of the violence in this movie I would give it a 9!"
The Diary of Anne Frank "was really really boring. Its about some girl and her life- who cares!?! It is a total girly-girl book. Too dull to even care. I couldnt even pay attention to what happened to her, why it was so awful. Oh Well, NEXT…"
Abbey Road "is a really horrible album with a few of the most horrible tracks in here comes the sun. Don’t buy this awful album. go buy any joe walsh, dire straits, foreigner, guns n’ roses, green day, or nirvana insted."
The Princess Bride "is about two guys who are in a book and they’re fighting over a princess named Buttercup. But the problem is that one of them is a pirate and the other one is a giant! I know it’s supposed to be fictional…but come on! Even my suspension of disbelief is not that good, and I work with children!"
.... right. I ... don't think there's really anything I can add to that.
And with these I have not scratched the surface. After reading Huck Finn, one reader hopes that Mark Twain "doesn't plan on writing anything else." Another says Citizen Kane is "just like The Blair Witch Project." And did you know that Ingrid Bergman is "no Maryland Monroe"?
People have a perfect right to like or dislike whatever suits them, and I get that. About half the classics featured I've either never read or hated with a passion. But not with an ungrammatical or misspelled passion.
I know it's wrong to laugh at stupid people. But sometimes it's wicked easy.
From a link on another blog, I found a blog that copies out one-star reviews of classics of Western culture - music, films, and novels. Not old, boring classics -- we can't all love Aristotle -- but modern, interesting, thought-provoking classics. But here you can learn that:
The Godfather "was so violent I couldn't believe it! On a scale of 1 to 10 of the violence in this movie I would give it a 9!"
The Diary of Anne Frank "was really really boring. Its about some girl and her life- who cares!?! It is a total girly-girl book. Too dull to even care. I couldnt even pay attention to what happened to her, why it was so awful. Oh Well, NEXT…"
Abbey Road "is a really horrible album with a few of the most horrible tracks in here comes the sun. Don’t buy this awful album. go buy any joe walsh, dire straits, foreigner, guns n’ roses, green day, or nirvana insted."
The Princess Bride "is about two guys who are in a book and they’re fighting over a princess named Buttercup. But the problem is that one of them is a pirate and the other one is a giant! I know it’s supposed to be fictional…but come on! Even my suspension of disbelief is not that good, and I work with children!"
.... right. I ... don't think there's really anything I can add to that.
And with these I have not scratched the surface. After reading Huck Finn, one reader hopes that Mark Twain "doesn't plan on writing anything else." Another says Citizen Kane is "just like The Blair Witch Project." And did you know that Ingrid Bergman is "no Maryland Monroe"?
People have a perfect right to like or dislike whatever suits them, and I get that. About half the classics featured I've either never read or hated with a passion. But not with an ungrammatical or misspelled passion.
I know it's wrong to laugh at stupid people. But sometimes it's wicked easy.
27.3.09
My Sister's Gonna Hate Me
I wandered around Cardiff all day - well, hang on. I wandered around Cardiff for half a day and then got tired and found the library, and then it closed so I found a bookstore, and then it closed so I found a restaurant and had dinner. But there was wandering. In the morning, there was.
In the morning, I went HERE:
And then I found THIS:
I KNOW! So of course I had to do THAT. And I saw this:
And THESE:
And almost got exterminated by THEM:
It was VERY exciting. For me. Who is a dork.
In the morning, I went HERE:
And then I found THIS:
I KNOW! So of course I had to do THAT. And I saw this:
And THESE:
And almost got exterminated by THEM:
It was VERY exciting. For me. Who is a dork.
19.3.09
Rebirth
Spring break is not for everyone. It's not designed for sorority girls, or fraternity boys. It's not so that what happens in Mexico stays in Mexico. It's not for undergrads at state schools at all, in fact. I know it's been heavily commercialized, but so has Christmas, and every year we get somebody telling us the "true meaning" of the holiday.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you the "true meaning" of spring break.
Spring break is a just and merciful God's gift to graduate/postgraduate students everywhere, who have had a very difficult term and need some actual relaxation time, rather than short periods of catching one's breath.
That we may not forget ourselves, we have been given much work to do over this breathing period, but that we may not despair, the sun has shined upon us in this, the first week of it.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you the "true meaning" of spring break.
Spring break is a just and merciful God's gift to graduate/postgraduate students everywhere, who have had a very difficult term and need some actual relaxation time, rather than short periods of catching one's breath.
That we may not forget ourselves, we have been given much work to do over this breathing period, but that we may not despair, the sun has shined upon us in this, the first week of it.
19.9.08
I am a Pirate . . . See?
My pirate name is:
Captain Jenny Bonney
Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network
In other news, I've packed up practically all of my books. Yay! Go me! And eight million shout outs to Mousie, who volunteered her car and her charming self to help me. Thank you! I can relax a little more now... still no idea what's going to happen to half of this furniture, but so it goes.
10.9.08
And... Go!
The ancient battle begins again. The worthy gird their loins. Swords are sharpened. Knives are holstered. Shields buckled. Helms fitted. Muscles flexed. Bodies stretched. Battle horns sounded.
Who will win? My perennially instituted resolution, armed with guilt and strong responsibility, as well as buckets of free time, to pack on time and in an orderly manner? Or the dark forces of chaos, aided by my social calendar, and with the strong allies of my laziness and my denial?
Battle is joined. In this first week, the forces of chaos have struck hard and fast, but there is still time for a turnaround. Stay tuned!
Who will win? My perennially instituted resolution, armed with guilt and strong responsibility, as well as buckets of free time, to pack on time and in an orderly manner? Or the dark forces of chaos, aided by my social calendar, and with the strong allies of my laziness and my denial?
Battle is joined. In this first week, the forces of chaos have struck hard and fast, but there is still time for a turnaround. Stay tuned!
13.12.07
Questions... Questions That Need Answering
These are my questions today:
1. Who is going to crack me up today? The Christmas season is annoying in certain ways (obviously) but there seem to be higher percentages of customers who ... how can I say this? Who could easily be satirized in a Jane Austen novel, how about that. Like the older couple in last Monday, who appeared so confused that I stopped "shelving" (read: reading) and asked if they needed help. I got them sorted out, and heard the woman tell her husband triumphantly, "You see, Frank? All we had to do was ask!"
2. What does The Guy I Have My Eye On think about me? I know, I know, so shallow. But I haven't gone remotely ga-ga over a boy in almost a year and a half, so I am due. And this guy is cute and sweet and polite, and I can't tell if he has his eye on me back, or if he's just a nice guy. And there is no one I can ask.
3. When is the guy whose room I took going to move off the couch? He's a nice guy, and I totally understand the legarthy that seizes one at the prospect of moving out, especially packing up one's stuff and moving to another country, but they put the ad in, I only answered it, and it has been a full month since I moved in. Again, I have no objections to him personally, but the house really isn't big enough for four, and he spends forever in the bathroom.
4. Where are all these ants coming from? Look, my friends, the buffet table is CLOSED. I thought I made that perfectly clear when I took all the dirty dishes out of my room and then squirted you all with Windex.
5. How am I going to find time to go to the city and get my nose ring adjusted? Which it needs, sometime before Christmas. In broader terms, how is it that I have loads of time to spend goofing off checking my email and such, and none at all to do the research I am supposed to be doing? How can I make time for dates with old college chums (not date-dates, see above. Just hang-out dates) but not to sit down at the library and do some good old-fashioned research? How does my internal time management even work?
6. Why don't I like any modern playwrights except Stoppard? I saw a play last night, by an award-winning playwright, and it seriously just sounded like Lionel's efforts from season two of Slings & Arrows. I mean, don't get me wrong, the staging was excellent and the story reasonably compelling, but the dialogue just... did nothing for me. Why is that? It's not just this guy, it's pretty much any play that's been written in the last twenty or thirty years, except musicals, Stoppard, and the short plays my friend Tangy used to write when we were teenagers.
1. Who is going to crack me up today? The Christmas season is annoying in certain ways (obviously) but there seem to be higher percentages of customers who ... how can I say this? Who could easily be satirized in a Jane Austen novel, how about that. Like the older couple in last Monday, who appeared so confused that I stopped "shelving" (read: reading) and asked if they needed help. I got them sorted out, and heard the woman tell her husband triumphantly, "You see, Frank? All we had to do was ask!"
2. What does The Guy I Have My Eye On think about me? I know, I know, so shallow. But I haven't gone remotely ga-ga over a boy in almost a year and a half, so I am due. And this guy is cute and sweet and polite, and I can't tell if he has his eye on me back, or if he's just a nice guy. And there is no one I can ask.
3. When is the guy whose room I took going to move off the couch? He's a nice guy, and I totally understand the legarthy that seizes one at the prospect of moving out, especially packing up one's stuff and moving to another country, but they put the ad in, I only answered it, and it has been a full month since I moved in. Again, I have no objections to him personally, but the house really isn't big enough for four, and he spends forever in the bathroom.
4. Where are all these ants coming from? Look, my friends, the buffet table is CLOSED. I thought I made that perfectly clear when I took all the dirty dishes out of my room and then squirted you all with Windex.
5. How am I going to find time to go to the city and get my nose ring adjusted? Which it needs, sometime before Christmas. In broader terms, how is it that I have loads of time to spend goofing off checking my email and such, and none at all to do the research I am supposed to be doing? How can I make time for dates with old college chums (not date-dates, see above. Just hang-out dates) but not to sit down at the library and do some good old-fashioned research? How does my internal time management even work?
6. Why don't I like any modern playwrights except Stoppard? I saw a play last night, by an award-winning playwright, and it seriously just sounded like Lionel's efforts from season two of Slings & Arrows. I mean, don't get me wrong, the staging was excellent and the story reasonably compelling, but the dialogue just... did nothing for me. Why is that? It's not just this guy, it's pretty much any play that's been written in the last twenty or thirty years, except musicals, Stoppard, and the short plays my friend Tangy used to write when we were teenagers.
22.9.07
Barrel Of Cute
Contrary to my expectations, Stardust really was as good as everyone was saying it was. Claire Danes is good, the little puppy they got to play her boyfriend was good, Robert de Niro is one of my personal heroes, and it was as funny and cute and touching as could be. Definitely kind of a dorm room movie; maybe some up and coming young generation of college students will worship it like my college friends and I worship The Princess Bride.
It is really a lot like Princess Bride, and there were some homages in there that just had to have been intended. The reviewers were all comparing it to that, and it has sort of the feel of Princess Bride's younger, higher-budget, slightly more shallow, but nevertheless cute sister. And if I had been seeing it with Jay, or Silent Bob, or Mr. Irish, or Little Joan and the Sweet D boys, it would have been a double feature and we would have screamed and giggled and filled in lines.
(As it was, I almost couldn't resist when Yvaine asks rhetorically "Let's see, murdered by pirates, having my heart cut out and eaten, or meeting Victoria. Which one sounds like more fun?" The correct answer is, of course, "Murdered by pirates is good!" but I didn't want to sound like a nutcase to the ever-sweet Ozma, with whom I went. But I did mention to her how much I would LOVE to see de Niro's Captain Shakespeare team up with Wallace Shawn's Vizzini. That would be SO COOL.)
It is really a lot like Princess Bride, and there were some homages in there that just had to have been intended. The reviewers were all comparing it to that, and it has sort of the feel of Princess Bride's younger, higher-budget, slightly more shallow, but nevertheless cute sister. And if I had been seeing it with Jay, or Silent Bob, or Mr. Irish, or Little Joan and the Sweet D boys, it would have been a double feature and we would have screamed and giggled and filled in lines.
(As it was, I almost couldn't resist when Yvaine asks rhetorically "Let's see, murdered by pirates, having my heart cut out and eaten, or meeting Victoria. Which one sounds like more fun?" The correct answer is, of course, "Murdered by pirates is good!" but I didn't want to sound like a nutcase to the ever-sweet Ozma, with whom I went. But I did mention to her how much I would LOVE to see de Niro's Captain Shakespeare team up with Wallace Shawn's Vizzini. That would be SO COOL.)
18.9.07
I am So a Detective
Whee! For possibly the first time ever, I predicted who the murderer was a good hundred pages before the end of the book. Even better was that it followed this conversation with my mom:
Me: I have Dorothy Sayers all figured out.
My Mom: Oh really?
Me: Yeah. It's always the person that you've eliminated but didn't want to eliminate.
My Mom: So who did it in Busman's Honeymoon?
Me: Not sure yet; not enough clues. But I won't be surprised by the ending.
My Mom: You don't know a thing. You always have to meet the criminal during the course of the story, otherwise it's not fair. You don't know who did it.
Me: Fine.
That was about nine. I retired to my room, picked up the book, and within fifty pages was like, by my own rule, it has to be this guy. And I stuck to it for the last hundred or whatever pages of the book, and lo and behold, one-thirty in the morning and I am TOTALLY proven right, it WAS him. I didn't realize how he'd done it, but I absolutely knew who it was.
I confronted my mom with this knowledge as she left for work at eight and then retired back to bed until noon. Heh. It was pretty awesome. Staying up until all hours finishing books makes me feel like a little kid again. I haven't been able to do it much since around high school, when the crazy homework load took over. But it is wicked fun.
I would be a totally brilliant detective as soon as I figured out who my author was.
Me: I have Dorothy Sayers all figured out.
My Mom: Oh really?
Me: Yeah. It's always the person that you've eliminated but didn't want to eliminate.
My Mom: So who did it in Busman's Honeymoon?
Me: Not sure yet; not enough clues. But I won't be surprised by the ending.
My Mom: You don't know a thing. You always have to meet the criminal during the course of the story, otherwise it's not fair. You don't know who did it.
Me: Fine.
That was about nine. I retired to my room, picked up the book, and within fifty pages was like, by my own rule, it has to be this guy. And I stuck to it for the last hundred or whatever pages of the book, and lo and behold, one-thirty in the morning and I am TOTALLY proven right, it WAS him. I didn't realize how he'd done it, but I absolutely knew who it was.
I confronted my mom with this knowledge as she left for work at eight and then retired back to bed until noon. Heh. It was pretty awesome. Staying up until all hours finishing books makes me feel like a little kid again. I haven't been able to do it much since around high school, when the crazy homework load took over. But it is wicked fun.
I would be a totally brilliant detective as soon as I figured out who my author was.
12.9.07
A Modest Proposal
Right, not to be insensitive or anything (oh, who am I kidding?) but if the Russians want babies so badly, couldn't they import a few from China?
Seriously, guys. It's like, fifty miles to the south. Negotiate! Everyone can go home happy here.
What? I'm just saying. It's not like it's Australia and Norway having this problem. These two countries are right next to each other. (If you don't count that big stretch of Mongolia in between, anyway.) Then you don't have to do any state sponsored events except like, a day off for a big adoption parade, or something. (Although giving people a day off for sex cracks me up completely. Would it kill the mood to know you were doing it on the government's dollar?)
Anyway. That's my insensitive thought of the day.
Seriously, guys. It's like, fifty miles to the south. Negotiate! Everyone can go home happy here.
What? I'm just saying. It's not like it's Australia and Norway having this problem. These two countries are right next to each other. (If you don't count that big stretch of Mongolia in between, anyway.) Then you don't have to do any state sponsored events except like, a day off for a big adoption parade, or something. (Although giving people a day off for sex cracks me up completely. Would it kill the mood to know you were doing it on the government's dollar?)
Anyway. That's my insensitive thought of the day.
31.8.07
Funniest Thing I Have Ever Seen
Because you can't go wrong with muppets and conservatives!
I saw this on Slog today, and if I could figure out how to post a video here, I would. (I'm sure it's possible; I just don't feel like figuring out how.) So you'll have to go and see for yourself -- but trust me, this is so far beyond awesome it has its own zip code.
I saw this on Slog today, and if I could figure out how to post a video here, I would. (I'm sure it's possible; I just don't feel like figuring out how.) So you'll have to go and see for yourself -- but trust me, this is so far beyond awesome it has its own zip code.
30.8.07
Intellectual Equality is Sexy
My mom is right. AGAIN. Unfair, but true.
In related news, you know what book totally rocks? Laurie King's The Beekeeper's Apprentice. I don't even LIKE mystery novels. Okay, I liked Kate Ross's mystery novels, but that was a fluke. One-off. Not a normal, mystery-liking fact. I like good sci-fi (although that's become as scarce as good mysteries, recently); I like nonfiction; I like lit; and.... I like Laurie King. It is only a very short hop to Dorothy Sayers. A hop my mother has fostered by giving me Strong Poison last night.
Okay, I don't know how it happened, but these books are actually really good. I finished Beekeeper in about three days; I'm already halfway through the sequel. I can't help it. Mary Russell is really engaging, and her romance with Sherlock Holmes is... so help me God... cute. I'm almost as disturbed as I would be finding the romance in Lolita cute, but there it is. Russell is at least post-pubescent, so stop giving me those looks. But yes, there is a forty-year age difference. And I still... find it kind of cute. They all verbally spar and are rude and sarcastic to each other and they match their intellects and solve mysteries and then he strokes her hair. Intellectual equality is sexy, it's not my fault. I've always had a weakness for that kind of thing. And a weakness for well-written, intelligent characters, even if they are detectives.
And it's all exciting and engaging (seriously, the last time I was this caught up in a book was Harry Potter seven) and even though I know it's the same part of my brain that takes delight in cosmogirl quizzes (you know what? You can just shut up) and I kind of don't care.
If it makes you (and by you I mean me) feel any better, my hobbies at the moment include linear algebra, studying the history of Greek theater, and reading scientific history books.
In related news, you know what book totally rocks? Laurie King's The Beekeeper's Apprentice. I don't even LIKE mystery novels. Okay, I liked Kate Ross's mystery novels, but that was a fluke. One-off. Not a normal, mystery-liking fact. I like good sci-fi (although that's become as scarce as good mysteries, recently); I like nonfiction; I like lit; and.... I like Laurie King. It is only a very short hop to Dorothy Sayers. A hop my mother has fostered by giving me Strong Poison last night.
Okay, I don't know how it happened, but these books are actually really good. I finished Beekeeper in about three days; I'm already halfway through the sequel. I can't help it. Mary Russell is really engaging, and her romance with Sherlock Holmes is... so help me God... cute. I'm almost as disturbed as I would be finding the romance in Lolita cute, but there it is. Russell is at least post-pubescent, so stop giving me those looks. But yes, there is a forty-year age difference. And I still... find it kind of cute. They all verbally spar and are rude and sarcastic to each other and they match their intellects and solve mysteries and then he strokes her hair. Intellectual equality is sexy, it's not my fault. I've always had a weakness for that kind of thing. And a weakness for well-written, intelligent characters, even if they are detectives.
And it's all exciting and engaging (seriously, the last time I was this caught up in a book was Harry Potter seven) and even though I know it's the same part of my brain that takes delight in cosmogirl quizzes (you know what? You can just shut up) and I kind of don't care.
If it makes you (and by you I mean me) feel any better, my hobbies at the moment include linear algebra, studying the history of Greek theater, and reading scientific history books.
29.8.07
Vision
This post is brimming with Harry Potter seven spoilers.
I have this urge -- and I don't really have the time and patience to carry it out, which is probably a good thing -- but I have this urge, now that the Harry Potter books have finally come to an end, to rate Voldemort as a villain. I mean, he was mostly pretty effective, I think, although not as scary as he maybe could have been. And you can't hold it against him that he lost, all great villains lose, it's part of their charm.
But I really want to put him up against the Evil Overlord list, and see how he measures up, you know?
Like, to his credit -- he did actually put the object that was his one weakness in a safety deposit box (Gringotts vault, same difference). Of course, it was guarded by a very ineffectual dragon, so points off for that.
He also doesn't feel that killing curses are too good for his enemies, or that he needs to leave the weaker ones alive. I don't suppose it's his fault that his major enemy seems to be immune. And he's very good at not having children and using his advantages in a timely manner, so major points for that. He also never builds just one of anything important.
On the other hand, his "take Harry alive at all costs" plan didn't turn out very well, did it? Especially since he was the only one who couldn't kill Harry. Oh! The irony! And if your henchmen fail, what was that about how it's kind of a bad idea to berate them and then trust them with the same task again, eh what?
But the real catch, the downfall of the bad guy, could so easily have been avoided. Voldy, my dear -- shouldn't have turned into a snake, even metaphorically, should you? Sigh. They never learn.
I have this urge -- and I don't really have the time and patience to carry it out, which is probably a good thing -- but I have this urge, now that the Harry Potter books have finally come to an end, to rate Voldemort as a villain. I mean, he was mostly pretty effective, I think, although not as scary as he maybe could have been. And you can't hold it against him that he lost, all great villains lose, it's part of their charm.
But I really want to put him up against the Evil Overlord list, and see how he measures up, you know?
Like, to his credit -- he did actually put the object that was his one weakness in a safety deposit box (Gringotts vault, same difference). Of course, it was guarded by a very ineffectual dragon, so points off for that.
He also doesn't feel that killing curses are too good for his enemies, or that he needs to leave the weaker ones alive. I don't suppose it's his fault that his major enemy seems to be immune. And he's very good at not having children and using his advantages in a timely manner, so major points for that. He also never builds just one of anything important.
On the other hand, his "take Harry alive at all costs" plan didn't turn out very well, did it? Especially since he was the only one who couldn't kill Harry. Oh! The irony! And if your henchmen fail, what was that about how it's kind of a bad idea to berate them and then trust them with the same task again, eh what?
But the real catch, the downfall of the bad guy, could so easily have been avoided. Voldy, my dear -- shouldn't have turned into a snake, even metaphorically, should you? Sigh. They never learn.
11.8.07
Hee!
I don't love Wuthering Heights nearly as much as this lady does -- I don't actually love that book at all; I think it's kind of overwrought and the symbolism is exhausting, it falls into that category of literature that I know is great but feel is silly -- but the title is absolutely worth the clickthrough (partly because the other work referenced therein is another in that category...).
8.6.07
Awesome
Dude! Migraine medication makes you an X-Files alien!
I mean, am I the only one who thinks that rocks? Heh. The article reads like an episode of The X-Files crossed with an episode of House, M.D. (Just think about the sarcasm flying if Mulder ever encountered House. The rest of us would just have to bow down in awe before we ran away in fear. Except maybe for Raymond Chandler. He could take it.)
I totally love The Guardian.
I mean, am I the only one who thinks that rocks? Heh. The article reads like an episode of The X-Files crossed with an episode of House, M.D. (Just think about the sarcasm flying if Mulder ever encountered House. The rest of us would just have to bow down in awe before we ran away in fear. Except maybe for Raymond Chandler. He could take it.)
I totally love The Guardian.
31.5.07
Phewf
That's not really a word, but it's how I'm feeling. Cairo is overwhelming.
Being here is like every video you've ever seen on a spy show, but raised to the power of ten. All the individual sights are what you've seen on TV, women in headscarves, bright lights, people along the Nile, crazy streets. But of course, it's so different being here, people are always, always, always, ALWAYS hustling you. They will get you any service you like, they assure you, for only a nominal fee. My first foray out, I only got caught by one, and there went ten Egyptian pounds right there. Good news, that's about two dollars. Bad news, I am at the end of my trip and very broke, and couldn't really spare it at all. Sigh. So it goes. I should be happy I avoided it all but once. (I'm not kidding or exaggerating here. Every single minute, someone is demanding something of you. It is NUTS.)
I shouldn't be stressed here, but I am. The engagement ring helps (I am coming up with all these elaborate lies about Imaginary Fiance Will. Backstory, relationship history, personality, career plans, wedding date... I'm such a bad liar; I get paranoid really really quickly and start coming up with all these contingencies) but I get so flustered ignoring people on the street all the time. I know, I know, I'm from Berkeley, that's fairly ridiculous. But still, I don't know, I feel like I'm being so rude, when in actual fact it is self defense and being broke.
Anyway. Tomorrow I promise to calm down and see the pyramids. Meanwhile, news from Athens. I can't get this computer to recognize my flash drive, so no pictures for a couple of days. (Once I get home, I'll just post pictures all the time, from the whole trip, just for the hell of it.)
But! In Athens. The Temple of the Olympian Zeus, which is sort of like the Circus Maximus in Rome, in that the site is huge, so you realize the building must have been incredibly impressive. But there's so little left of it (in the case of the Circus, there's essentially a track; Zeus does better with 15 pillars standing; which sounds impressive until you realize that that's basically one corner of the structure) that it's hard to really appreciate. The Acropolis was more impressive -- there are actually several temples there, including the one with the Caryatids (which I just spelled wrong). But I found out! That's supposedly on the site where Athena and Poseidon had their contest, right, for who gets the city, and Poseidon made a spring well up from the rock and everyone was all impressed, except he's the god of the OCEAN, so when they tasted it it was all salty and gross, and then they weren't impressed anymore, and then Athena planted an olive tree, because she ROCKS, and the Greeks figured out that they could smoosh the olives and make olive oil, and sell it to the rest of Europe for really expensive prices, and then Athena got the city because her gift was more useful and that's why it's Athens and not Poseidons, although ironically, it occurs to me now, they probably had to cure the olives in Poseidon's salt water, so the gifts were actually sort of equally useful, and the city should really be called Atheidons.
Yes, of course I was like that for the whole tour, explaining things and pissing people off. Duh. I haven't changed at all. Plus, it's Athens!
Oh, and it just gets better. I mentioned yesterday the old Dionysian theater (ROCK ROCK ROCK ROCK) and ALSO I saw the Ancient Marketplace, meaning I walked on the same dirt as SOCRATES. I KNOW. IT WAS SO COOL!
Yes, all those caps were necessary. Sigh. No one understands me.
And, we went to this hill, right near the Acropolis, where supposedly Ares was put on trial for sleeping with/raping Poseidon's daughter. I don't know why all the gods were so big on pissing off Poseidon; it seems like such a stupid idea. Although possibly he couldn't ever really take it out on them because Ares would have kicked his ass, and Athena has Zeus sort of perpetually backing her up, so he had to just sort of fume, and so then when Odysseus pissed him off, he really went nuts because Athena was only supporting him sort of off and on, and so Zeus didn't really get involved...
Yeah, I'm taking my weird notions off to sleep now, because I have the same feeling that I get when I say something and everyone looks at me funny and blinks.
Being here is like every video you've ever seen on a spy show, but raised to the power of ten. All the individual sights are what you've seen on TV, women in headscarves, bright lights, people along the Nile, crazy streets. But of course, it's so different being here, people are always, always, always, ALWAYS hustling you. They will get you any service you like, they assure you, for only a nominal fee. My first foray out, I only got caught by one, and there went ten Egyptian pounds right there. Good news, that's about two dollars. Bad news, I am at the end of my trip and very broke, and couldn't really spare it at all. Sigh. So it goes. I should be happy I avoided it all but once. (I'm not kidding or exaggerating here. Every single minute, someone is demanding something of you. It is NUTS.)
I shouldn't be stressed here, but I am. The engagement ring helps (I am coming up with all these elaborate lies about Imaginary Fiance Will. Backstory, relationship history, personality, career plans, wedding date... I'm such a bad liar; I get paranoid really really quickly and start coming up with all these contingencies) but I get so flustered ignoring people on the street all the time. I know, I know, I'm from Berkeley, that's fairly ridiculous. But still, I don't know, I feel like I'm being so rude, when in actual fact it is self defense and being broke.
Anyway. Tomorrow I promise to calm down and see the pyramids. Meanwhile, news from Athens. I can't get this computer to recognize my flash drive, so no pictures for a couple of days. (Once I get home, I'll just post pictures all the time, from the whole trip, just for the hell of it.)
But! In Athens. The Temple of the Olympian Zeus, which is sort of like the Circus Maximus in Rome, in that the site is huge, so you realize the building must have been incredibly impressive. But there's so little left of it (in the case of the Circus, there's essentially a track; Zeus does better with 15 pillars standing; which sounds impressive until you realize that that's basically one corner of the structure) that it's hard to really appreciate. The Acropolis was more impressive -- there are actually several temples there, including the one with the Caryatids (which I just spelled wrong). But I found out! That's supposedly on the site where Athena and Poseidon had their contest, right, for who gets the city, and Poseidon made a spring well up from the rock and everyone was all impressed, except he's the god of the OCEAN, so when they tasted it it was all salty and gross, and then they weren't impressed anymore, and then Athena planted an olive tree, because she ROCKS, and the Greeks figured out that they could smoosh the olives and make olive oil, and sell it to the rest of Europe for really expensive prices, and then Athena got the city because her gift was more useful and that's why it's Athens and not Poseidons, although ironically, it occurs to me now, they probably had to cure the olives in Poseidon's salt water, so the gifts were actually sort of equally useful, and the city should really be called Atheidons.
Yes, of course I was like that for the whole tour, explaining things and pissing people off. Duh. I haven't changed at all. Plus, it's Athens!
Oh, and it just gets better. I mentioned yesterday the old Dionysian theater (ROCK ROCK ROCK ROCK) and ALSO I saw the Ancient Marketplace, meaning I walked on the same dirt as SOCRATES. I KNOW. IT WAS SO COOL!
Yes, all those caps were necessary. Sigh. No one understands me.
And, we went to this hill, right near the Acropolis, where supposedly Ares was put on trial for sleeping with/raping Poseidon's daughter. I don't know why all the gods were so big on pissing off Poseidon; it seems like such a stupid idea. Although possibly he couldn't ever really take it out on them because Ares would have kicked his ass, and Athena has Zeus sort of perpetually backing her up, so he had to just sort of fume, and so then when Odysseus pissed him off, he really went nuts because Athena was only supporting him sort of off and on, and so Zeus didn't really get involved...
Yeah, I'm taking my weird notions off to sleep now, because I have the same feeling that I get when I say something and everyone looks at me funny and blinks.
30.5.07
And You Shall Know Us By Our Digital Cameras
You know what there should be? There should be Euro Backpacker Barbie.
Seriously, I have it all thought out. Euro Backpacker Barbie has shoulder length, dirty, shaggy hair. It's layered and full of split ends. Actually, an old Barbie head that a four year old has practiced hairdressing on would be perfect. She wears a tank top and highwaters, and hinking boots, and has REALLY obvious tan lines behind her straps and watch and such. She has a backpack longer than her torso and thicker than her waist, with a teeny tiny ineffective padlock on the zipper, full of dirty laundry. She has a huge purse over one shoulder, full of cigarette cartons from different countries*, a lighter, a very tattered novel, an iPod, a digital camera, a bandana to tie over her hair when it gets too greasy, sunscreen, postcards, a book of Sudoku, an empty water bottle, and approximately eighty million Metro stubs from various cities. Her sunglasses are on her head. Around her waist is a money belt, with her passport, the key to the padlock, twelve euros, and her credit card.
Euro Backpacker Ken looks just the same, except he's in baggy cargo shorts a wifebeater, and doesn't have the purse. For five dollars you can get the expander pack, making her "Long Term Euro Backpacker Barbie"; expander pack includes extra duffel bag on wheels full of dirty laundry, a visa, and a bag of cosmetics, each from a different city (you know, toothpaste from Italy, lipstick from Germany, hairbrush from Denmark, etc.); a bikini, a winter coat, and a copy of The Rough Guide to Europe.
(The alternate title for this post was "How I Know I've Been Out Here Too Long.")
Yeah, yeah, Athens: I saw lots of cool things in Athens today, and did lots of squealing. You will hear about it tomorrow, when I can upload my pictures, because right now I am sleepy, and can no longer squeal as these things deserve. (Teaser: I was in the Dionysian Theater! Where the first showing ever of Antigone was performed! SQUEE! Okay, that's all I have the energy for right now.)
*No, Mom, I have not started smoking; please don't worry.
Seriously, I have it all thought out. Euro Backpacker Barbie has shoulder length, dirty, shaggy hair. It's layered and full of split ends. Actually, an old Barbie head that a four year old has practiced hairdressing on would be perfect. She wears a tank top and highwaters, and hinking boots, and has REALLY obvious tan lines behind her straps and watch and such. She has a backpack longer than her torso and thicker than her waist, with a teeny tiny ineffective padlock on the zipper, full of dirty laundry. She has a huge purse over one shoulder, full of cigarette cartons from different countries*, a lighter, a very tattered novel, an iPod, a digital camera, a bandana to tie over her hair when it gets too greasy, sunscreen, postcards, a book of Sudoku, an empty water bottle, and approximately eighty million Metro stubs from various cities. Her sunglasses are on her head. Around her waist is a money belt, with her passport, the key to the padlock, twelve euros, and her credit card.
Euro Backpacker Ken looks just the same, except he's in baggy cargo shorts a wifebeater, and doesn't have the purse. For five dollars you can get the expander pack, making her "Long Term Euro Backpacker Barbie"; expander pack includes extra duffel bag on wheels full of dirty laundry, a visa, and a bag of cosmetics, each from a different city (you know, toothpaste from Italy, lipstick from Germany, hairbrush from Denmark, etc.); a bikini, a winter coat, and a copy of The Rough Guide to Europe.
(The alternate title for this post was "How I Know I've Been Out Here Too Long.")
Yeah, yeah, Athens: I saw lots of cool things in Athens today, and did lots of squealing. You will hear about it tomorrow, when I can upload my pictures, because right now I am sleepy, and can no longer squeal as these things deserve. (Teaser: I was in the Dionysian Theater! Where the first showing ever of Antigone was performed! SQUEE! Okay, that's all I have the energy for right now.)
*No, Mom, I have not started smoking; please don't worry.
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